Consensus About the Feds by Gerard Sarnat

When I finally arrived, the nice Filipino family that moved
in to take good care of my 102 year-old mother complained
though she is still sane plus able to beat them at Dominos

everyone is being driven batty by a pushy lady who says
she’s from the government and their law requires Mama
to fill out a 40 page ACS document or they’ll put her in jail.

Sure enough a Ms. M. Wiseman dropped by during our lunch
while Mother slumped then snoozed in the wheelchair —
I offered half a salami sandwich which Ms. W. munched on

whereas I told her I’d filled out/mailed the form asking about
matters that’d been irrelevant forever like if the resident works
fulltime, tip income, newborns, exercise, Portuguese speaking.

After Michelle Wiseman apologized ‘cause the Census Bureau
hadn’t received it she sort of accused me of lying since there’s
a self-return envelope and the United States paid for postage.

I refused her offer to help answer a duplicate packet’s questions
many of which required rounding up old tax returns, electric
or gas or water or phone or internet billings for the last year

which I was going to fake like everybody else probably did,
but in response to my comment, I’ve only seen IRS auditors
so engaged, she said a private firm paid $100 per completion.

Next day Michelle called my cell 6 times none of which I picked
up — voicemails all from different numbers threatened to hassle
us till Jeffersonville logged in the $tuff that just in case I snapped.